With money you can buy a house, but not a home. With money you can buy a clock, but not time. With money you can buy a bed, but not sleep. With money you can buy a book, but not knowledge. With money you can buy a doctor, but not good health. With money you can buy a position, but not respect. With money you can buy blood, but not life. With money you can buy sex, but not love.
I had a overwhelming dream last night where i lived through the role of a young 19 yr old drug addict staying in a crack town in the midst of california. The scariest thing was how it all developed together in my head and all the surroundings felt so real that i didnt even know if i was dreaming or if it was actually real. At a certain point where i was convinced it was real, i remember feeling so scared and confused that this was happening to me and i cant believe i turned into a drug addict in my dream. It was fucking scary the things that happened, because it entertwined with factual things that had happened in the past and of course many other exagerrated things that the depts of my mind had created.
It started off just in my house in Keilor Downs, Melbourne but the house was situated on a massive mountains and rivers of bright green nature strips. Fluro green grass, trees, green houses and everything was on rocky gravel. I defintely knew it wasnt in melbourne and it was in the US cause everyone had spoken to me with american accents. I remember going for walks around the the neighbourhood and the area was filled with random couches situated everywhere and lopsided lamps hanging from trees everywhere. All the couches were brown and damp with bonsai plants next to them. The roads were awfully steep and narrow everywhere you looked and S.W.A.T teams wearing vests where always casually walking their dogs at crazy times of the day. Everything seemed so absurb, crazy and nothing made sense but somehow it felt so normal and i believed it was real. I kept walking and hiking not knowing where i was heading or what was going to happen next, there was no fear no worries about anything because everything just looked so lovely. The sun had started to set and it was getting dark, but everything seemed to light up at night with the lamps fading brighter. And suddenly there was the most beautiful carousel giant swing ride that lit up, the ones that lift you high up in the air and making you feel weightless. (The exact one I had been on when i was at Strawberry Festival in California months ago.) Except this one was just amazing, the sound of the chains rattling as the carousel lift you up to the glowing fairylights that were flashing so beautifully in sync together. I remember being so mesmerized standing there, then i went for it. There were only 3 people who sat on, an old man with a rough beard and another girl who sat 2 chairs away from me but close enough for me to see her face. This girl was beautiful, long dark big hair with a stunning face but her facial expression looked miserable. As we got lifted in the air and the world started spinning faster and faster all i could stare at was her face. She looked lost, miserable but somehow she seemed quite content. I could tell she had a rough look to her but she was still stunningly gorgeous. I honestly didnt know what i was feeling towards her, if she looked like a straight up angry bitch or a sad little girl who was lost in her own world and came to the carousel to get away from the madness for a time being. Then she caught my eye and we were gazing at each other for a few seconds and suddenly we were back on land and the chains started unhooking themselves. She smiled at me and came over to talk to me. I was startled but found a high interest towards getting to know her. She spoke and told me i looked familiar and maybe we had some mutual friends and it turns out we did so we hung out at the bar next to the ride on one of the damp brown couches. I remember people started to surround the nearby couches and eventually they came close enough to start a con ersation with us. Three young fellas in their fresh 20’s id say, who looked like they’d been on the pipe for a few days but somehow still managed to look attractive. But these guys were creeps who looked like they were creeping for a root with any pretty girl they saw. It was revolting the things they were saying just to get in our pants. I just sat there and nodded here and there experessionless while this girl next to me was just flirting right back and giggling at all the attention they were giving us. She turned to me at one point and whispered, “Come on babe, lets make some money hehe” in my ear. I had no idea what she meant and just followed along praying to God she wasnt go to fuck them for a few bucks. Luckily not, we ended up in the car just us 2 and we drove away now in the streets of a an old dirty looking city. Me in the driver seat and all her facing me, she suddenly pulled from her handbag out a clear plastic lunch bag with the biggest crystal i had ever seen, it was probably the size of tennis ball. I asked her if it was shards or whipper, she snorted a line on the dashboard looked up and said shards. At this point i still didnt know what was happening or where we were going. She directed me a house that had a hot spring in the driveway pulling up to a big white building. In the water i could see a few other girls who were quite skinny and fragile, they told us to hop in. I then started chatting to another girl, you know just the usual conversation about general shit but i couldnt answer anything she asked me. I didnt know anything about myself in the life i was living in my dream but everyone else seemed to know more about what was going on than me. Everyone was chilling, ounce bags of weed floating everywhere to smoke from pipes filling up the air.
Gazed by what was happening around me, i didnt know what i was feeling or what the fuck was going on. Gina, was her name, the name of the this girl ive been hanging out with since i met her on the swing. She pulled up closer to me in the hot tub and whispered something in my ear, “will you come with me? I think its time to go.” i nodded of course and smiled at her. Then she pulled me away from the house and we both walked down the street, in front of us was a beautiful green meadow, with the sun shining on every part of nature and we walked through feeling so amazed how beautiful this part of the world really looked. Gina didnt say a word to me, neither did i but i could see on her face that was she happy i was by her side walking away from that house. Why? Something i probably couldnt explain but it was like then end of a movie and the start to a brand new beautiful life ahead. Did i fall in love with her and this beautiful path i was suddenly walking along? I guess you could say that.
Ive only started warming up to this new place of mine. I dont think its magnificent yet, but i will make it magnificent. And for long time now, ive suddenly started to fall in love with myself again. Happy valentines day.